The 6 Must Do Steps for Getting a Boyfriend!

Finding a boyfriend, more specifically, the right boyfriend, will be much easier with this honest advice and these expert tips.

Sure dating can be exhausting. Maybe you've been trying for a while and haven't had any luck landing a first date or finding anyone who's worth a second date?

If you're asking yourself, "How do I get a boyfriend?" you're not alone. Many women feel stuck in the dating world, unsure where to turn next. But with the right mindset and approach, finding a boyfriend can be much easier than you think. Here, we'll explore expert tips and practical advice to help you find love.

Demonstrating "How to Get a Boyfriend" - a real life example

Before we move on, I want to tell you about a young woman I saw just yesterday applying these same techniques and truly owning her confidence and just putting herself out there. I was in a collectibles store with two of my kids.

The guy working the register was in his early to mid 20's. We were just across from the checkout area, so we were able to see and hear everything, when this very confident woman, about the same age as the clerk, came into the store and walked right up to the counter.

She didn't start pretending to browse around the store, hoping to make eye contact or get the guys to notice her. She didn't wait on him at all. Instead, she walked right up to the counter, skipped the small talk, and told him she'd been in the store a few times, she got the feeling he's a nice guy, and thought he'd be cool to hang out with! Then she asked him if he'd like to hang out some time soon and if they could exchange numbers!

I was pretty impressed with how quickly she closed the deal. The guy was very nice and very receptive. He said he'd absolutely hang out and they kept talking and getting to know each other more. My son did want to buy something, but neither of us wanted to mess with the chemistry, so... we found someone else to check us out. We passed back by the store a short while later and we saw the two of them outside still talking and laughing!

I mentioned to my sons that, whether things actually work out or not between them, I gave the woman full marks for the self-confidence she demonstrated and proactively going after what she wanted. I could tell she was a little nervous, but she obviously had a strength that gave her the courage to go for what she wanted and risk possible rejection. Even if he did reject her and things didn't go well, I expect that it wouldn't have gotten her too down. She would've bounced back knowing that she put herself out there and she only would have failed by being too afraid to try in the first place.

She was confident, clear and to the point but not overwhelming, very friendly, she made the guy comfortable and allowed him to be open, she complimented him and made him feel good, she knew they had some things in common and layered that in, and finally, she used great flirting skills and body language to catch and hold the guy's attention.

Let's look in more detail at what it was that impressed me, caught the attention of the guy she was interested in, and what you can do to get a boyfriend of your own too.

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1. Prioritize Compatibility

Our Shop Girl already knew they both had some common interests and she'd seen him enough times to get a feel for his personality.

She likely already checked off some other boxes as well. It was pretty obvious she took compatibility seriously, which is one of the most important things you can and should do when picking a guy. Don't compromise on compatibility!

Make sure you don't waste your time or effort on someone that doesn't get you excited just thinking about him. You want to have no reservations and feel zero regret!

This also means, knowing what you want, before you even get started. Not just, "You know you want a boyfriend!”.

Before you dive into dating, it’s essential to know what you want in a relationship. Ask yourself:

• What values matter most to me?
• What personality traits am I drawn to?
• What are my deal-breakers?

This will be the guy you picture next to you at a party, with your family, or starting a life together.

We get it it would be awesome if he was super attractive, but looks are only part of attraction. The personality and values that are core to who he is also play a big role in attractiveness.

The initial match you’re looking for is someone that clears these basic requirements. Be sure to set your personal Standards for guys you let into your life. Keep beginning expectations low so you don't get frustrated and limit your dating, but make sure your standards remain high for when you do move to the next level.

Tip: Look back at previous relationships to know what "you want and don’t want” in a boyfriend this next go round. Experience is a great teacher and can help you spot green and red flags early on.

This may sound like a lot, but the whole process is really more intuitive than anything else - everything either feels good and right or it doesn't. You'll know when somethings missing!

General and Core needs are easier to identify earlier in the dating process. Things like: sense of humor, wit, intelligence, kindness, responsiveness, motivation, and financial compatibility. 

When you look at the definition of compatibility it talks about "like mindedness and the ability to exist without problems or conflict" and If you’ve been in at least one relationship you’d probably agree this is not likely or realistic.

What is realistic, is to have a relationship where:

• Your core values are in alignment
• You both contribute to the relationship by keeping things interesting
• You open each other up to new experiences. All in a positive way!

Like mindedness is not just what you like or don’t like, but more about how you conduct yourself or deal with problems and challenges.

Think about trying some Compatibility Test Questions that focus on: Goals, time together and apart, interests, problem solving, communication, and relationship give and take to test the waters and get some deeper insight into personality and compatibility for both of you.

Never forget "it takes two to make a thing go right", thank you Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock!

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Tip: Avoid turning a date into an interrogation

Full disclosure, some people, myself included, aren’t big fans of skipping the “get to know you” phase of dating which is when, traditionally, you get the info to make a thumbs up or down.

Related Article: Compatibility Test | 15 Questions When You Start Dating Someone New

2. Date Intentionally

Dating intentionally is knowing who and what you want in a relationship, and then putting yourself in environments where you're likely to meet someone who fits that vision. It involves being clear about your relationship goals early on and not wasting time on people who don’t match up with your values. When you're upfront about your goals, you set yourself up for more meaningful connections.

Some tips for intentional dating:

• Be clear about your relationship goals from the start.
• Meet people in environments that align with your interests, like local events, classes, or hangouts.
• Know when to walk away if the relationship doesn’t meet your standards.

Our Intentional Dating article has Dating Advice for Women, including: date selection, managing rejection and failure, dating tips, and online dating!

For great tips on relationship goals read: Stop Breakup Pain | How to Get Over Someone Faster and for Good!

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3. Build Confidence

What does it mean to be confident and what did our confident friend do right? How can you get this same confidence?

Maybe “build” is the wrong word to use here.

Many of us already have confidence and know what it means to be confident. We just don't have an occasion to use it very often in the context of connecting with a potential new boyfriend.

Your opportunity then, is to exercise your confidence, and get more comfortable with using it!

The biggest kryptonite to confidence is when you worry about the perception others have of you.

The more quickly you stop caring about what others may think about, you just being you, the faster it frees you up to be the most natural and engaging you.

Remember: Whatever thoughts you think “they” are having about you is probably not anywhere close to reality. They are very likely having their own internal nerves and wondering what you may be thinking about them!

So let’s look at how you can exercise your confidence:

• Tackling inherent fears - Have a no fear attitude. What’s the worst that can happen - they don’t want to date you. Thanks and move on to the next.
• Don't worry about embarrassment  - Staying calm, owning it, and leaning into lightheartedness is the way to go.
• The date is not going well? Use the opportunity to try and have some fun and continue practicing your conversation and confidence game!

Remember to be like ICE! You're a strong Independent woman that's full of Confidence and self-Esteem. It's attractive and also give you a certain internal power boost knowing that no matter what happens I'll be ok. When you're successful with this and then layer in more feminine soft skills (see #5 below), you'll be unstoppable.‍

Helpful Read! Self-Care Confidence Boost | Level Up Your Attractiveness

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4. Put Yourself Out There - Where to meet guys!

This means making an effort to meet guys, whether that's IRL or online, and when you do attract their eyes and ears, you're engaging and magnetic.

Shop Girl had no idea how Collectibles Guy would respond but, even though she may have been a little nervous, she still made the first move and got the conversation started. She met a guy she was interested in in a place she liked to go and doing something she like to do.

Don't Be Shy

Feel free to start the conversation. You can't always wait for the guy to make the first move or come to you. Improve your odds by going out and getting what you want.

Your challenge is to have some actual interaction! Whether you start out online, or try an activities that'll allow you to meet guys that fit your compatibility and intentional dating requirements.

Here are some ways to get started and things to try!

Online Dating Benefits

Use dating sites? Of course, why limit yourself! There is no doubt online dating will expand your dating pool far beyond what you could achieve by just trying to meet or bump into people IRL.

1. Filtering your matches

Online dating makes it easy to see what's out there, how guys describe themselves, and allows you to tell guys exactly: who you are and what you want, so guys that want the same thing can find you quickly and easily! When you match you already know there's a mutual something drawing you together.

2. Quicker Connections

Dating apps promote conversation and more meaningful connection with matches. The sheer quantity of people you and potential matches have access to, could create addition challenges, but it also promotes making an effort to get to know someone through deeper, earlier revelation.

Check this out! 25 Hinge Prompt "Dating Me is Like..." Examples for the Perfect Connection | How to Nail Your Answer!

And this! Tinder for Beginners | The 5 Steps for Successful Online Dating

One more! 6 Tips for Becoming a Tinder Top Pick

Local Tour Groups

Most cities have some sort of local history, food, or bar hoping tours. This is a great way to make some connections by finding a common interest. Try doing things and going places where it's almost expected that people will strike up conversation and interact with people they meet for the first time. Breweries and wineries are a perfect example of this.

Events

Things like parties, happy hours, performances, and volunteering are all excellent ways a single woman could participate in a social setting that is typically geared to solo or single interactions and meetings.

Classes

Come on... You know you can't go wrong with some classes, especially if you're really into whatever it is you'd be learning. It's a win win! Not to mention, the odds that a single guy may be trying to get out there just like you, are pretty good. Raise your hand if you're a single so we can partner you up!

Related Article: Dating is Exhausting | These 6 Things Are The Reason

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Now that you have his attention…

5. Master the Art of Flirting

She looked very cute and was giving him all her attention. He felt like the most important person in the store and to her it was almost like they were the only ones there. The compliments and attention are enough to disarm anyone and psychologically he was motivated to keep up her perception of him and not let her down.

This one is key, and honestly one of the easiest of the steps to getting a boyfriend.

Once you know what it is that gets and keeps a guy’s interest, it’s just a matter of putting it into action. 

To really understand how to get a boyfriend, it helps to understand how boys think and how to avoid common mistakes that could get in the way of your success.

Let’s see what attracts a man and then link it to some easy flirting techniques. Embrace the art of flirting!

Flirting Do's and Don'ts

Do Compliment - This is the easiest way to bring down walls and psychologically endear someone to you immediately!

Do Tease - Playfully! Make sure it's innocent and not insulting. Teasing done correctly brings back those innate feelings of attraction and interest from back in those playground days.

Do Make Eye Contact - This demonstrates interest, creates a connection, and shows that you are confident, which remember, is an attractive quality to men. So don't avert or shy away!

Do Listen - When you actively listen you are able to pick up on complimentary or mutually shared experiences in that moment. When you're able to connect mutual interests and enhance a conversation, you're showing him your wit and personality and connecting with him.

Do Touch - We all know that small, light touches are a sign someone is interested in us, so if you are indeed interested, don't hide it and make some physical connection sparks happen.

Don't Complain - Maybe you're used to some of this when talking with friends, we all enjoy some commiseration when it comes to dating woes. But, when you're on an actual date you really want to avoid this. Especially if it's about an ex. Your date is listening to everything and he's imagining the whole time you're talking what it would be like if you were together..? Complaining paints a negative picture. Help him picture something that he desires instead.

Don't Pressure - Avoid pressuring or coming off too needy when dating. This is a bit of a turn-off and shows a lack of confidence which is an unattractive quality.

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6. Be Authentic

By the way Shop Girl was flowing and talking, you could tell she wasn’t forcing anything. She was genuinely interested in Clerk Guy and it came through very clearly.

Be Yourself

Maintain your individuality while being open to trying new things that are important to a new boyfriend. There needs to be a healthy balance when it comes to doing things and it's up to you to show him the things that are important and enjoyable to you! Try to incorporate the guys you're interested in into the things you like to do. This way life doesn't go on hold and you also show him you're an individual that will enrich his life if he's lucky enough to be with you.

Don't Compromise on Living

Try not to make your life all about finding a boyfriend or doing everything you can to achieve just this one objective. Rather, live a life that "invites" the opportunity to build a romantic relationship and grow the number of new people that come into your life.

Don't expect to get a man or try to force it, kind of the idea of "things will happen when you least expect it" or "when you're not trying".

Related Article: Denied | 8 Reasons Your Partner Won't Connect on Social Media

Conclusion

Finding a boyfriend doesn't have to be a long journey. When you understand your self-worth and know what you want in a boyfriend and life, it can't help but shine through to guys you meet. Make sure to share all you have to offer with guys that could be a great fit for you. Expanding your social network, knowing what you want and deserve, and making sure you wow him when the chances rise, will help you find help you say bye to single in no time at all.

Remember that there are guys out there too that want to find someone just a bad as you do! The real help is speeding up the process while maintaining all of the things you want in a guy and a relationship. Compatibility baby!

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_{Disclosure: This article was not written by a medical professional, unless specifically stated otherwise. Advice or support content is not intended to be either professional medical or mental health advice or recommendations. All support and advice is from direct and/or anecdotal contributor/author experiences and topic research. If you are experiencing a physical or mental health emergency or mental or physical abuse, please seek professional support. Some of the links in this article may be affiliate links, which can provide compensation to us, at no cost to you when you decide to purchase a reviewed product.}

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